Part 2- What had happened was...

So we're back from Baker (blah). Trying to set in motion our trip to the titty club. 

Like in most other places there are two types of strip joints in Vegas. The 21 and over topless places that serve booze. They're generally more expensive but house the majority of the10's. These are for the tourists and those with some money to burn.Then there's the18 and over fully nude places. No booze.Not many tourists. Mostly weirdo perverts, sad lonely broken locals and us not yet broken but totally broke. Also not out of our teens so we had but one choice. Talk of the Town.

You can't make this shit up

 This little gem is on the corner of Broken Dream Dr. and The Kid's Gotta Eat St., is a winning combination of adult store and strip club! Right on! Two firsts in one night. Actually three firsts. First time breaking out my pimp slap. 


3 am we roll up, first thing I see two white girls in a bikinis sitting on swings. They had  lights on them and music was playing and oh my. Truth be told my first thoughts were "Looks fun. Wonder if I can try?" Considering the welcome wagon outside I had no idea what awaited inside....It was awful. Cramped little place. All the patrons were creepy old dudes (no offense,gentlemen) some of which took to much time checking out my assets. Hey, weirdo, I'm not the talent. Leave me alone. A weird mixture of mildew, sweat and soap filled the air. It reminded me of the time I forgot laundry in the washer for two weeks.

Every part of me is screaming to get the hell out of here go home and shower! But I can't say shit, if I punk out I will never hear the end of it.I could face the revocation of my awesome card. Worst yet I don't want my almost boyfriend to be alone with a bunch of naked chicks. I'm taking one for the team.

As kids we had a checklist of things we had to do before our Father would take us anywhere.
1. Eat. He refused to take us to fast food or restaurants.
2. Shit and or pee. He will not stop what he's doing because you need to go. 
3. Be presentable. I guess this is important.

Wish I'd followed the checklist. Last thing I wanted to do was touch ANYTHING but I had to pee so bad it hurt to hold it. I took every precaution not to touch anything. Ass gasket on the seat. Purse over my shoulder pulled into my body. I hiked my pants up my leg so the bottoms didn't touch the floor. Finally I'm hovering over the seat, ahh sweet sweet relief. I'm enjoying this nice long pee. My eyes are scanning the room, about four inches from my foot is a little puddle of fluid. It looks like boogers or spit. I'm thinking "God, lazy bastards the toilet is right there. How hard is it to spit in the toilet?!" Took my a few seconds to connect the dots. It's not spit...IT'S NOT SPIT!!  In my panic to get the out of there and shower. I tripped on my stupid bunched up pants. I lost my balance. Stupid gravity pulled me down! Right. On. Top. Of. It. FUCK. I was so disgusted I vomited. Here I am pants around my thighs, fallen on some stranger's giz, throwing up on the floor and crying. I practically showered in the sink then headed out to see the show.

Of Course these fools were right at the stage. Empty seat for me in the middle. There was a girl on stage not dancing. She had a roll of paper towels and a bottle of Lysol in hand wiping down the pole. This was disturbing. She wasn't much older than me, wearing a suit I figured she was the cash girl or something. She had a pretty face but not hot. Long brown hair she was rather plump which made me happy. I don't like little girls. I feel like a fucking Amazon. A little while later she did indeed strip. She was very athletic. Did some hands stands. Twirled and swung on the pole. Did some weird upside down slides. One point she stuck her fingers inside herself. Then stuck her fingers in her mouth,gag!

The boys were happier than pigs in shit.They were in absolute horny teenager heaven. I was in hell. These rat bastards loved every minute of that to. So of course they thought it'd be hilarious to buy me laps dances. Not one or two but three. One from said girl on stage, a skinny black girl that smelled like Bath and Body Works' sweet pea and some other girl I can't remember. All taking place in the private rooms. Which I really didn't want to go because they were these little closet sized rooms with full sized beds in them! I could imagine was happened in there. The private part was the half a bed sheet covering the entrance. Did I mention it was held up with thumb tacks? They each did their thing. They moved over my body like snakes. They even touched me in the bikini area. All was thinking about was my chances of getting lice from the bedding. It was awful.

Now I'm sure that not all strip clubs resemble the first level of hell. Still this experience has given me my fill of  strippers and strip clubs forever. I confess I love seeing sweaty scantly clad hotties shaking this assets to loud music. I love bumping and grinding with strangers and being molested by these strangers. So what am I to do since I've sworn off strip clubs? Gay clubs! In reading your stories I've come to the conclusion that you're  all missing out by hanging out at strip clubs.

Seriously most everyone there is dressing for attention. By simply walking in you're winning.Eye candy everywhere. I have seen many girls wear just underwear! Boys only wear shorts. There are bubbles, lights, free booze!! Everyone is friendly and they want to dance with you! Yes you!! Dancing means touching. Oh my, lots of touching unlike in strips clubs. And unlike hookers, you don't have to pay to touch. It's one big not necessarily gay love feast. I will let you in a on secret. A lot of straight girls go there with their gay friends so there's a possibility for everyone to have fun and get ass grabbed. Besides with enough booze everyone is a little gay. Same for the gays. I can't even count how many gays have gone straight for the night with me. I suggest you all take a trip to your local gay club, not bar, club. You won't be sorry.
Here are some photos of recent trips.

This is how they dance with strangers! Boys and girls!

Ok, Rob, get over it.

Give him a dollar. He'll rub his junk your face.

My favorite homos

Probably lesbians.

I love the bubbles!

They usually aren't gay!

Part 1-What had happened was...

I was 18 working at Sears with a bunch of my misfit friends. We looked like a United Color of Benetton ad. Jamal, tall thin black man who happened to be my love interest. Luis the Salvadorian with bad prepubescent facial hair. Eric the bite sized Korean with a kimchee aura. Finally me not bite sized but definitely fun sized.

Jamal was drop kicked into the real world first. His apartment quickly turned into our clubhouse. These fine boys introduced me to everything my Catholic up bringing told me I'd go to hell for thinking about let alone doing. God damn, I loved doing it . Best of all to underage drinking. Not just underage drinking but whiskey drinking. Not just whiskey drinking but Jameson's Irish Whiskey drinking! Me drunk equals bad choices.

One night after the bottle ran dry still in need of entertainment, we did what any horny teenagers with lots of time, no money and  even less sense do, cruise the Strip looking for chicks. All the colors of the homo rainbow (insert Southpark reference) piled into the Honda Del Sol. It was like solving a fucking puzzle. Luis was driving. Jamal in the passenger's seat, me on his lap (HELL YEAH). Poor Eric ended up in the trunk. Think Ocean's Eleven, little Asian hiding in the box, except our plans didn't include robbing the Bellagio.



Actual Size

Two hours later we're in Baker, California,WTF?!! No idea how or why. I was busy drunkenly dry humping a hot boy. Have any of you been to Baker, California at 1am? It's a tiny shithole in the middle of nowhere. All except the gas station and Jack in the Box are closed. Finally putting on our thinking caps we choose to stop driving aimlessly eat then go home. We stumble our way to eat some greasy tacos, cheeseburgers and other nummy nummy heart attack food.

Yummy scrumbos!

Before continuing you need to know some about Luis. At 17 he's the proud Daddy to a 6 mo. old baby girl, high school drop out working at Sears's trying to get his GED. He's a good guy with real potential not to be a fuck up and I love him. He'd always been a good friend. To repay him I did my good friend duty by never letting him do stupid shit alone. Yet this was too stupid even for me to get behind.

Sitting at Jack in the Box, shooting the shit. Luis is telling us about the new girl he's dating. By dating I mean screwing. "Blah blah pussy. Blah blah my dick." Or something like that. My attentions were on these hot salty fries with loads of ketchup. Then I heard it. My heart drops. I'm pulled away from my feeding frenzy by something unimaginable.

" We don't use condoms. They're too expensive," he said.

Meet my hand of sense.

I look up, mid fry (in my angry black girl voice), " SAY WHA'?? MOTHERFUCKA' BABIES ARE EXPENSIVE!!" I leaned forward in my seat. French fry in hand, WAP, smack across the face.

What happened next I can't exactly recall. Rest assured folks he found reason within my pimp hand. We origami-ed ourselves back into the badass mobile and made our way home.

Back at the clubhouse, no longer drunk still bored we needed a plan. One of the mental giants suggested going to the strip club. FUCK. I'm a scared 18 year old mostly virgin, I don't know my own asshole from a hole in the ground. Hell I've never even seen an asshole! I certainly didn't want my first to be a stranger's who probably smelled of broken dreams and shame. Once the hope of seeing naked tits is impregnated in a man little came be done to keep him from making it so. So we set off. 

Here I will pause. Before we made it to the club some traumatic shit happened. It's the story of how I fell onto the puddle of cum. After reading Grrouchie's post, I wonder if it was his after one of his encounters with Maria?