The Day the Music Died

My first real relationship was in high school with a big beautiful white boy,D.B. He was everything I wanted in a guy at the time. Good looking, funny, smart with just a touch of asshole for color. He played the drums in a rock band  even had a truck.

We broke all sorts of laws together. Underage drinking and driving, vandalism, drugs you name it we did it. We even had some wholesome redneck fun hunting, camping, shooting. He bought me my first shotgun, how could I not be in love.?!

Young love met it's end when his Dad got a job in St. George, Utah moving the entire family up there. I was devastated. In my mind we were going to college together getting married and be dysfunctional ever after.

If you have ever been or met a teenage girl then I'm sure you'll understand how fucking insane they are. That was me, to the power of ten. Crying, writing him letters, sending post cards, poems all that shit.

The only thing that brought any kind of relief from my heart ache was a cocktail of booze, painkillers, and Patsy Cline. I don't know what it's like in other places but in Las Vegas you can get anything you as long as you have money.  I had easy access to it all and took FULL advantage.

Patsy was "singing my life" with her words.The passion and pain in her voice spoke to me. For the first time I felt understood.

People say marijuana is the gateway to other drugs but no one ever says Patsy Cline is the gateway to country music! From her I moved onto Merle Haggard, Willie Nelson, Hank Williams. After years of kinship with Country and Western, I found the blues then jazz.

Before I knew it I was in love again but not with one person but with many many wonderfully talented timeless geniuses. These artists spoke to me through time and space on a level I didn't even know exsisted.

Music has been my constant companion through the toughest and the greatest times of my life.
Until now I have been able to find comfort in an artist who has shared a bit of my experience.

Today I put on some Patsy. The songs haven't changed, the music hasn't changed but I felt nothing. Not Patsy,not Ella, not Ray or even Elvis has been able to lift my spirit today. All I want is to "Stop the world and let me off."

Good news , bad news

I love this Blogger app for my phone! It's like typing a super long text message to an awesome friend who just shuts up and litsens to me bitch and moan!!

My computer is dying a slow horrible death. It has alerted me that there's an " imminent disk failure". Grrouchie has graciously agreed to help me back up my information before my HP takes the permanent vacation in the sky.

One thing I am capable of doing on my own is transferring my music to the cloud. It was very interesting to go through my library ,seeing how my tastes have changed through the years. Somehow I have turned into a square middle aged white person. Currently I'm litsening to Michael Buble and Celine Dion. Don't judge me.

Here's a short list of some of my collection:

Backstreet Boys
Nsync
The Cranberries
Nirvana
Tool
Metallica
Korn
Mana
The Sounds
Jack off Jill
La Roux
Ella Fitzgerald
Ray Charles
Black Sabbath
Willie Nelson
Elvis
The Ramones
Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings
The Bamboos
El Tri
Molotov

Gosh I'm kinda schizophrenic when it comes to music :/

Good news is, I have time to save my shit. Bad news I have to buy a new 'puter. Who wants to buy me one? I pay in sexual favors!

Depending on your perspective, my Father is no longer in a coma, that's good news.Bad news, right side of his body is paralyzed and he cannot speak. More good news, when he kicks the bucket my two brothers and moi will get $500k in life insurance.

My Father is a real fucking rat bastard. This I don't say lightly. This will be the one decent thing he's done for us.

To end on some good news, ribs ,it's what for dinner!

*Update* 4-30-12
Bad news I found a big ass spider in my shower tonight. I'll have to spray for insects tomorrow :/

Good news, I found it before the dog. Who would probably have tried to eat it then gotten bitten and probably died since he's a tiny 3lbs.

Stupid is as stupid does.

I'm using the Blogger app on my phone to write this. Sorry if it looks a hot mess.

Tonight has been fabulous until I lost my keys or locked them inside my car. There are three people with spares but none that can help.

First is ol' Grrrrrouchie. His car died today so he can't come :(  Funny thing about that, Monday night he was going to come over and help me with some computer stuff then I was going to repay him with some hot hot sex. Here's my thought process when I heard about his car
1. Dang that sucks. It's going to be expensive
2.  Wonder if he's still coming over on Monday?
3. Wonder if he needs a ride
4. Wonder when we can reschedule?

I'm a selfish bitch :( Friend if you need a ride on Monday let me know. My heart goes out to you, if anyone understands car struggles it's me.

Person number 2, is one of my older brothers we had a falling out sometime ago. We are no longer on speaking terms. Fuck!!!

Person number 3, is one of the stupidest things I've done. Ever since the time I cried after sex things just haven't been the same :p So I won't be calling him either.

So I'm going to sit here watch Indiana Jones drinking my wine with some awesome dogs. Tackle this crap tomorrow.
Here's a cute ass picture of my dog because that little racist fucker makes me happy. Yes, he's racist he only barks at Asian and Black men...maybe he hates men to?

What did you want to grow up to be?

Two nights ago I was hanging with my sister in law and big brother. Big Bro was telling us about his new gig as a welfare case worker. Just so you know he says it's cake. He gave me a run through all the programs they have to give assistance to the poor, man oh man the state is throwing money at them!

Sister & Me. She doesn't always look like that

We started discussing our childhood dreams,I wanted to be President of the United States and a CIA spy. Once when I was a younger lass I let someone do a line of coke off my tits, so there goes that dream! They have ways of finding out the worst things about you before the hiring. With this blog I just make it easy for them.  

Here's what I mean, one of my brothers (half ) was being considered for a position with the state police. He passed all exams, physicals. Then came the background checks. Then the interview with the shrink and lie detector tests. He failed. This is weird and sick, he was asked if he or anyone he knew had ever had sex with an animal according to him he once watched his uncle fuck a goat. I'm sure my uncles would only fuck horses.

Any hooters, Sister wanted to he a professional dancer / journalist. Not that kind pervs, like a backup dancer. She did make a go of it for a while won beauty contests to! I love that woman, she's beautiful and kind. I wish I had married her. Brother wanted to be a firefighter and dentist!

What did you all dream of growing up to be?

I'll sleep when I'm dead

I'm a busy busy girl!

Got a call from the second job. I start next week. Rat bastards couldn't wait another week. See I already have plans.

I was going to LA tonight. Returning tomorrow.

This weekend I am fund raising for the local public radio station.

My Sister has decided to expand family time. In addition to Sunday dinner there will be a weekly volleyball game!! I'm very much looking forward to spiking the ball into my niece's face. Learn that kid some character. If you met her you'd understand...don't judge me...Grrouchie back me up.

Speaking of family time. The resturant, El Menudazo should be opening in three weeks. They said that three weeks ago but whatever. The City of N Las Vegas is being ridiculous with their demands before granting the license. They want blue prints, finger prints, the first born, etc. I was asked to put in 13-15 hours a week there :/

Sometimes I think I should've been a man. All I think about is money, sex, ass kicking, food and sex. Some of my favorite things to do involve violence. A bunch of my guy friends and me are organizing a trip to California to visit this place. Paintball war!! It will be epic. I wish there were more girls but they're all afraid of some pain and bruising!! Two of them are mothers, how they fuck can the sting of a paintball frighten you when you've popped an eight pound butterball through your snatch?!

Just bitching 4-23

My blood vessel burst during donation :(

A man is a man. No matter their creed, color or sexual orientation. They are simply different than us  women. I will no longer bother trying to understand them. They just don't understand girls. People smarter than me have been saying this crap for a long time I never litsenend.

Here's what I'm talking about. Today one of my oldest dearest friends pissed me the fuck off! We were texting about his desire to join the National Guard. He's giving me all the reasons for it, then I text " That would be good for you. It's a great idea."

This turd tamper replies,"I know." For those of you not fluent in girl, that shit is rude. The proper response would've been , " Thanks." Or even," I know!" The exclamation mark is crucial, it implies excitement.Or "I know, right!" I told him, " I was trying to be supportive. You can be mean sometimes. If you don't want my opinion then keep it to yourself"

Maybe I was over reacting but we have a history of this sort of shit. For instance some months back I mentioned something about Grrouchie and he says," Ugh Carmel, I don't care get over it." Seriously?! Even on a bad day I'd never say something like that to a friend. 

Most recently last Friday I asked him if he wanted to hangout. Told him that I'd be busy until such and such time because I was going to be donating blood. To which he replies, "Well I'm not going to do that because my blood is scared." WTF?? My response," I wasn't asking you to come. I donate blood because it's something simple that I can do that could possibly save someone's life." What a fucking duche bag!

By the way who wants to go see the Rat Pack tribute show with my at the Las Vegas Hilton? United Blood Services gave me a pair of tickets. I have been donating since I was 18, 2 gallons by my count. When I hit 5 gallons the will hang a plaque with my name on it on their wall!

Moving on. I have noticed that when my female co-workers want to drop a deuce at work they go to the stall furthest from the enterance. Why is that? Are they trying to be polite by not polluting the first air we breath in there? Are they hoping that they can finish quickly before the scent wafts to the entrance and folks discover that GASP girls poo to?! I know a lot of people are embarrassed by their bathroom business. Not I! It's impossible to be shy or private when I grew up in a household with 4 people , 1 bathroom and a Father with colon cancer who needed the bathroom immediately or else. I guess my question is not what's up with these women but what's wrong with me that I don't give two shits!! Bahaha , I'm punny!

20 Things A Woman Should Know About Their Vaginas

http://girlfriendmd.quickanddirtytips.com/20-things-every-woman-should-know-about-her-vagina.aspx

Music is my boyfriend

This has nothing to do with anything but I just had to say I love Led Zeppelin and Lynyrd Skynryd. On my way to the bar I litsenend to the full version of Free Bird and Stairway to Heaven. God bless rock n'roll.

I'm all growed up...kinda

Lately I've been taking proud care of our house. Although Grrouchie no longer shares it with me he would be really proud. Earlier this week I did some much needed gardening. Pulled the weeds which hadn't been done in almost a year. I trimmed the tree and bushes. Raked all the leaves.sprayed for weeds. Spent about $40 plus three hours on the front yard. I even took the time to test the sprinklers. Some of them didn't work so I , yes I, fixed them bitches! This weekend I will be tackling the backyard. I also bought insulation to wrap the pipes outside, like a boss!

Today the garage door took a crap on me. It wouldn't close all the way. I put on my thinking cap looked up the schematic online. Deduced what the issue and fixed it. Hell to the yeah! I handled that shit like a grown up!

I forgot how much satisfaction there's to be had in good hard work. This my Father helped teach me. Growing up we all did the home repairs and improvements.  More like forced labor but looking back I'm damn grateful for those experiences.

We did almost everything. Painting both inside and outside the house with the roller and paint sprayer. We installed toilets, faucets, the bathtub. Haha, that was such a debacle! It didn't sit flush with the floor so Father decided to force it in. For some damn reason we NEEDED to knockout the outside wall to get under the house  to finish the installation. WTF, old man?  Til the day we sold the house that damn tub squeaked when stepping in and out of it. By the way, we also had to repair the side of the house. We placed plywood in the HOLE, replaced the mesh, re-stucco'd ( that a word?) then painted. Doing stucco sucks balls the texture comes from the trowel work. That takes some skill/ technique.

We mixed, poured and leveled concrete for the patio, walkway, and porch. Planted the laurel trees along the fence, installed the sprinklers, installed file flooring throughout the house.

One of my worst favorite memories was the time we installed the air conditioner on the roof. Father assigned me the task of sitting on the roof back pressed to air conditioner bracing it so he and Brother could install it. This was also the day he pushed me off the roof, yeah you read that right.

My Father taught me a lot maybe not in the best way.

My walk down child labor lane reminded me that I'm not a "normal" girl, if such a thing exists. I'm tough, independent, rough sometimes rude. For the most part I don't give a fuck what people think or say. Whatever I do what I want!  Father taught me not to fear who I am, in all my rude glory. So I'll be adding to Waffles' post. It will be rude, dirty but hopefully respectful of myself and those involved. Forewarning there will be violence, drug use, heterosexual and homosexual sex. If you are sensitive to this subject matter don't read the next post.

Night night, jive turkeys!

Up yours Barbie

What the fuck is wrong with people?! Most of my co-workers have their panties in a bunch because our supervisor was late this morning. In turn making us all late because only they have the key to the door and alarm code. We waited outside for 20 minutes! Not a hour not even half a hour, 20 minutes! In that time those stupid sheep called two other supervisors and the big cheese. It's 5 in the morning, Jesus Christ have some consideration!!! We aren't curing cancer here!!! Grrr!

I understand the principal of the matter, they expect us worker bees on time they should also be on time. In reality just because you get a title and some keys doesn't make you infallible! So retarded.

One more thing that is pissing me off today, girls that will not leave the house without makeup. Last night I dreamed of a co-worker who I've never seen without makeup. In the dream she finally showed me her natural face. Nothing wrong with it she's good looking. Happens that she is here this morning I mentioned it. She gasped , " That happened to me a few days ago! I lost my keys and had to get a ride so I didn't have time. It was the worst day of my life!"

Come on! Really? Worst day of your life??  It just bugs me because more often than not these are pretty girls who are so brainwashed thinking they have to look like the people on tv. Perfectly put together.

AND this horrified me the other day my 3 year old niece was playing with her Barbie and said "Tia, she's pretty. She's skinny. I'm not skinny." I'll be writing more on this later but til then I'm making a stand for normal girls. Fuck Barbie. Here's a picture of me with no makeup.

Big Cock and Supernatural

I am spending my Sunday drinking Big Cocks and watching Supernatural. Holy shit those boys are hot! Especially the blonde one.

Sooo Rob requested a link to a Waffles' post about his April sex dream. It wasn't particularly graphic or anything but I remember it making me blush. I spent some time looking for it to no avail. Sorry, Rob.

 Oh my, Waffles writes a lot! When he started in 04 I still in high school, smoking in the bathroom and making out with chicks! Smoking what I won't say :)

 This is probably last weekend of total freedom before beginning the second job. It's going to be difficult but it's totally worth it. By year's end I will know financial freedom! Then I will take over the world! Ok probably not but I am planning on some cool shit.

 Firstly there are a couple of trips to L.A. to watch The Moth. Soon there after I'll be hitting San Francisco. They make porn here ,kinking S&M porn and lots more!

 The best is saved for last a pilgrimage to St. Paul, Minnesota for A Prairie Home Companion. There is little I appreciate more than a good raconteur and there is none better than Garrison Keillor. His face was made for radio, seriously he's an ugly m'fer but his voice, oh, his voice, it is heavenly.

One day when I feel eloquent I will tell you of my love for public radio. Right now all I have on my mind is sleep.

One last thing my family wants to read this crap. they asked me for a link! I'm not sure how to feel about it. They really don't know me. I'm not sure how much I WANT them to know. Not the sex or drug part that they know but the feelings. They might hold me to a higher standard if they know I'm capable of more than being morose and bitchy.

TBC

Recently Grrouchie informed me that Tony, yes that one, sent him an email asking why I have forsaken his blog. Simple, it makes me sad.

Grrouchie's blog I read because he's my friend. It's a way for me celebrate his victories with him. On occasion to offer counsel when needed.

Gary's blog I read because he's so smart. His recent posts have really touched my heart. Most of all the love he shows for his wife is beautiful. It gives me hope.

Josie's blog I read because I look up to her to. She's the kinda woman I hope to be like when I grow up.

Rob that old pervert. He writes some funny dirty shit but he does it with class. He's entertaining.

Waffles sure does bitch and moan but with flare! I admire him. In his struggles he's found enough love for himself to want better. Not only that but he's actively seeking it!  * Waffles I like when you talk dirty :) Remember that post about your April sex dream, I do? OMG!

I've recently started haunting other blogs  Lucki Duck's, JT, Lightning to name a few. I'm enthralled by the love of poker you all share. I also love the sense of community here to.
* Duggle I had you in there to. I wrote this from my phone, sorry for typos.*

In turn Tony's blog is none of those things. He might be intelligent but he's not smart ,Autism aside. He is always doing some dumb crap. He keeps saying how he wants to have a better life but hasn't taken any steps towards it!?!; My belief is that through daily work and dedication you can overcome almost anything. Furthermore a lot of the comments on there are just plain mean. I see enough of that in my daily life why in the hell would I spend my free time trudging through more bullshit? I have nothing positive to contribute over there.

Tony I wish you all the best lots of love, happiness and security. You deserve it. Hopefully one day you begin to love yourself enough to realize that. Then are able to make positive changes towards it.

Blah blah blah

What a busy roller coaster of a day!

As some of you (Josie) may have guessed Grrouchie and I share an employer but no longer work at the same location. One of his friends/co-worker happened to be at my job helping us out with inventory stuff. Forcing us to interact for the first hour of our shift.

 He would not shut the front door about how horrible I am to his friend. You know, I let Grrouchie cum in my hair once, in my book that's a good friend! No kidding he was telling people how I'm the girl that broke his heart , blah blah blah. At one point I was squatted down picking something up he walks by grabs my shoulder and shakes me trying to make me fall! He'd say it was in good fun but it was not cute! Had I not been at work I probably would've punched him in the balls.

By the end of the day he softened up to me because let's face it, I'm charming. Before he left I pulled him aside, we leveled. I told him,  I want you to hate me because of me. Not because of something that you only have second hand knowledge of. Glad to say we ended on a good note. There is a lot to be said about both Grrouchie and his friend. I love that he inspires such loyalty in his friend. I respect his friend for standing up for him. Good guys .

The main computer program I at work acted wonky all day. I spent 45 minutes on the phone with Michael from IT trying to fix it. Most anyone else would have hated it but I LOVE calling them. See, having lived in Las Vegas my entire life the "real" world is largely a mystery to me. It's really fascinating to interact with people from other parts of the world. Calling IT you talk to people from North Carolina and Georgia. It's sooo cute to here them say my name with those accents. Michael will be in town for the WSOP :) I love my job, getting me laid since 2007.

Had a second interview today that went great. Offered a job. The boss said that she knew she wanted to hire me from the start. She said they all (managers) liked me. That really boosts my confidence. Waiting until Friday to decide because have an interview then for a position that makes me happy in the wallet. Now how to break it to the dog there'll be next to no play time?

Speaking of dogs, drove by Walmart on my way home, saw a couple of homeless people with their dog.
Nothing pulls at my heart strings more than animals in need. So I gave them all the raw hides, dental sticks, milk bones and dog food in my car.
Which is a lot since my dog goes everywhere with me.

The house next door was recently purchased, tonight they got to see me in the kitchen naked drinking chocolate milk. Hey, don't judge me its hot now :)

Update

The weekend was great! Spent it with a friend.  Lots of debauchery.

I'm super busy right now. Two interviews for part time positions this week. That's besides my full time.

One tomorrow and one later this week. The later is really really fancy! If I get it I'll tell you about it :)

Have an appointment with counselor because I'm going to sign up for a Mandarin class!

Devil Dare You

Let's get dirty!

After reading Waffle's blog last night I was re-inspired to make some positive changes in my life. Haven't done any exercise since the 5k. Not only that I ate like a pig. I'm talking Jack in the box at midnight then going to bed kinda pig. So last night took the dog on a walk a little over two miles. We dragged ass but did it in 35 minutes.

I signed up for another 5k. This one I will run, no dog, no excuse. It's called the Devil Dash. The theme, 7 Deadly Sins. There will be obstacles, mud, blood, fire and then beer! Two of my friends have agreed to do it with me. One that did the 5k, one who is training for a triathlon. The more the merrier!

April usually sucks for me. The 26th is the anniversary of my Mom's death. This day has always been hard for me. I usually spend it in tears. This April will be especially hard because the 15th is the one year anniversary since we bought our beautiful house.

Our kitchen

View from living room

The day we got our keys was probably the happiest day of my life. I'm sad that Grrouchie won't be here to celebrate it. Although the end of our romantic relationship is best for us I'm sad about the way everything ended.

Once again inspired by Waffle's words I've decided to attempt to change for the better. I will be taking vacation from work the week of Mom's anniversary and have signed up to volunteer 5 days at my local public radio station. No one including myself understands my love for NPR. I am beyond excited to be able to do something for this organization that I love.

One more thing, starting next week I will be volunteering at Three Square Nevada's only food bank. This organization does amazing work. They have a program that provides low income grade school students with food for the weekends. For a lot of kids living in poverty the food they get at school is their only consistent source. I have personal experience with this. Growing up I knew kids who only ate at school. They'd even go in early because schools provided free breakfast. So I'll be there just helping put together the weekend meals for kids :)

During Christmas with every dollar donated they were able to provide a person three meals! I was so blown away with this statistic that I started a collection at work but had lack luster donations. In the end I was able to donate about $120. Next year, my goal is to raise at least $1000.

Speaking of raising money, in 2013 I will be fund rasing for St. Baldrick's. This organization funds research to find cures for childhood cancer. They have hold these fun events where folks get their heads shaved in solidarity with the kids fighting cancer. I will be letting my locks grow long then next year getting it shaved! Seems extreme but I have shaved my head before, long story.

That's all I got!

I got a feeling...

Ask me a question. I will answer it as truthful as possible. I got a feeling today is going to be an interesting day.

Interview Jitters

I have an interview today. I haven't had an interview in 6 years. Everytime I have applied for a position in the last 6 years it's because I was asked to. So there has been no question whether I would get the job.

Kinda nervous.

Ain't nothing but a G thang baby

Grrouchie, gave me the letter "G". Hmmm. What the hell am I to do with G? I wanted a letter with finesse. Well as Tim Gunn says, make it work! That'll come soon.

How could you not love that dog?

Speaking of  Grrrouchie, we spent a nice evening together...with the dog :) Went to dinner and watched the Hunger Games. He won't say it to my face but he hates that I take Troy everywhere. Tough shit!

Some big changes are coming for my family. First my brother is leaving his post as a big cheese for Caeser's Entertainment for a cushy beaurocatic position with the state.

Good for him, bad for my tummy. The perks of "knowing" someone at the casinos can't be over stated. Cheap event tickets and free food at all the properties. For Christmas we went to Paris, for free. Thanksgiving we spent at Planet Hollywood, for free. There is something that his position allows us that is priceless, no waiting in line. When the line is 100 deep ,you walk up to the cashier and 5 minutes later you're being seating you feel like a fucking rockstar!

 Next, my family will be opening a new resturant. For ten years they owned a resturant named La Barca. It was pretty good, got voted Best of Las Vegas once. After that was sold they opened a couple chain restaurants.  From the age of 12-16 I spent all my free time there. Pushing brooms, peeling shrimp, gutting fish never brought anyone as much satisfaction as it did me. We will all be pitching in to make this successful. Which will be so much fun. The one drawback no more Sunday Bacchanalia.

One last thing, being a girl has some real privileges. One of my car's tire has gone nearly flat three times in the last month so I knew that it had a leak. I was just to lazy to deal with it til today. Went to the tire shop across the street from my work. The mechanic was extra nice to me. Two of my tires were damaged. The front passenger side had a nail, screw and staple. The rear passenger has a screw in it. They only accept cash but didn't have change for my $20 so he told me to pay him back next time! SWEET.

Speaking of mechanics, last week I was at Taco Bell waiting for Grouch because we were having lunch. This real cute mechanic sits a table over from where I am and starts talking to me. He asked if I was eating alone, I said no that I was waiting for someone. He asked if it was a date. I said no, that he was welcome to join us. He asked me if I lived in the neighborhood, about my tattoos, small talk in general. I was seconds, just seconds I tell you from getting his number, then the twat swatter walked in! BOOOO. Looks like I will be going to his shop to get my oil changed next month.