Thursday, June 28, 2012

Internet weirdos.

I want to tell you about my night with Lightning. I do soo badly. Yet I'm not feeling creative at all just worn out.

We did have a delightful dinner. Then I took him to the swingers club. For the first time, there was worry and reluctance on his face. Pure awesome!

Before any rumors start, we DID NOT go inside. Mainly I wanted a photo to make him look cooler than he is. Believe me though he's a hip cat.

Speaking of internet weirdos, tomorrow I will meet another. She's a nice lady whom I played Farmville with. Yeah, I said Farmville, what of it?

She's a very talented jewelry maker. This last Christmas I purchased a few pieces for a friend. She loved them and wears them almost daily. Stephanie even sent me a gift AND a nice little card for myself and Grrouchie. What a sweetheart. Check out her store.

Off topic, the highlight of my day was  when my friend asked me to punch him as hard as I could in the stomach.

http://www.etsy.com/shop/BeadCoutureBySteph

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Behind the Green Door.

I need sleep, immediately. I'll leave you all with this. Night Turkey



Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Decisions decisions...

Hello ghouls and dolls!

Today I got a call from the Palms for a job. Considering that position would mean basically living in my car.There will be no time for sleep. It's so far from where I'll be living, damn it. If only the money weren't good.

My plans are leaning towards only one job and focusing on helping my family at the resturant. They wouldn't pay me or anything. It's just about showing my gratitude for putting up with me during the teenage years.

Another item under consideration, time and money allowing is becoming a notary. It's rather simple. The prerequisites include being a citizen, a resident of Nevada, no felony convictions and being honest. Check, check, check and check (mostly).

That would give me a legitimate reason to hangout at the office other than pizza. It's also an easy way to make money.

At this time all I know is, I'm tired.

Josie, I wish we could've had time to socialize. It was wonderful meeting you. God willing, in December we can finally fondle each other properly. You a such a doll.

Lightning, I am off tomorrow at 2pm. Would you like to have dinner?

Troy and Precious, you can't read or write or even speak but if you see this I miss you mutts. Friday we will frolic in the park. Play your cards right you'll get to eat cat poo.

Serge, what the fuck is going on with the house? BTW you need to wash behind your ears. Get those hairs in there while you're at it. Maybe Claudia can will help you.

A big part of me is looking forward to work. I actually missedit. Ok, I missed my friends. There's also the knowledge the longer I'm away the more crap there will be to clean up upon returning.

Look at Other Dad in his Menudazo shirt. This was Father's Day he's so silly. When I told him about the spider crawling up my leg he says, " Well sure it wanted to get in your pants. It knew you're a virgin."

The resturant is doing awesome. The Mexican Menudo from which the joint's name comes from takes 6-7 hours to cook. Therefore has to be made the day before. Saturday they made a batch of 200 serving. Sunday they sold out! Not bad for only three weeks and no advertising.

I must bid you all adieu. A certain black dog who likes to bite a certain ex's penis keeps pushing his toy onto my feet.


Sunday, June 24, 2012

Lightning is a sneaky rat bastard

This guy is a professional interrigation-ist. No, I don't give a hoot or a holler if that's not a word, I just made. English is a living language, ever changing ever evolving. You're not my mama, you can't tell me what words I can or can't say! Phew! Glad we settled that.

There's is something about this guy that breaks down your wall forcing honesty. Also I love to talk and talk and talk. That rat bastard almost made me cry by asking all the tough questions. He got me a bit buzzed to! Unfortunately he did not try to take advantage of me, balls.

All joking aside he was a lovely man. It was heaps and heaps of fun meeting some of you internet weirdos. Good luck out there. Make lots of money and buy me booze!

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Tuesdays

Tuesday at the office with my family, equals pizza. I'm working on the Fathers Day post. I'm looking for Lightning!



Crazy Things My Friends Say

The next installment of Crazy Things My Friends Say is more like a typical encounter with my dear friend Ted, who is the same type of lovable as Oscar the Grouch. He's in his mid 50s ex-Navy. I have lovingly nicknamed him, Theo-dorable. Get it? Theodore, adorable? Play on words...oh forget it.

This takes place in the breakroom at work where I am comparing children to dogs. I was commenting on the matter that both creatures feed off of your energy.

Me: Ted, why the fuck are you looking at ME like that for??

Ted: My eyes needed somewhere to rest. That is just where they landed.

Me: You mean they were resting on me because I'm so pretty and delightful to look at.

Ted: Actually I was just looking for the biggest horse-ass. Since there's no mirror that's you.

But really guys we really do like each other very very much.

Monday, June 18, 2012

Ants in my pants? I wish.



Today I went to work it was more fun than work should be. I talked a lot of smack, shared my food with friends, flirted with some boys. My job is fantastic.
During lunch there was a tickle on my leg. Turns out there was a spider crawling up it ,inside my pants. I almost fainted.
I excused myself to the bathroom where I got totally naked to check for anymore unwanted hitch hikers. We are talking buck naked. Shoes socks and all. It was a California sun spider. I will never be the same.
On the brightside, Troy got a puppycinno. Starbucks speak for, cup of whipped cream for your cute-ass dog.
My life is pretty cool.
I included a photo of the squished spider, as a warning to other spiders.

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Pre- Fathers Day post

My computer died. Currently I'm using the IPad two but it blows. Earlier I got ahold of a Samsung Galaxy tab, it was worse. Maybe I'm not doing it right? Fathers day post on Tuesday. May you all have good hair days. May all your assess look right and tight in your jeans.


Friday, June 15, 2012

Never Seconds

This visionary , 9year old young lady started her blog in an effort to raise money to feed third world children. Wow. Go read it. She's amazing. I'm proud of her.

http://neverseconds.blogspot.com/2012/06/goodbye.html?m=1

:)


Friend zone continued

The guy I like text me last night to ask if I wanted to go to the movies with him...and four other guys. I asked him why he didn't ask me earlier, he said that he wasn't sure if I wanted to hangout with four guys. Then he realized, Carmel can handle it. Um yes, pendejo! I have five older brothers, I'm used to be the odd girl out. It's were I thrive. Ah oh well.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Whatever Doesn't Kill Me...

This insomnia is kicking my ass.This lack of regular sleep is killing me. Worst of all I have to work a double tomorrow. I'm staying occupied simultaneously watching The Departed and litsening to Delicate Sounds of Thunder.

Is that what you Bostonians really sound like?

Tomorrow will be a good day. I'll be getting a couple Benjamins for a bet placed on the fight. Which will be turned into a pair of shoes and a grooming for the dogs.

For years I've had my eye on a Prada purse, leopard print with a gold chain strap. It's just pricey. Almost two mortgage payments but if I saved this change, I could possibly be caressing its fine horse hair by the end of the year. Hmm decisions, decisions.


Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Playing Lawyer

Tuesdays Troy and I usually spend with my family at the consulting office. See Tuesdays are two for one pizza at this place down the road. If I come down here and complain about being broke and not having eaten they'll order pizza and give me half of it. Genius plan. Works everytime, almost.
Today instead of getting yummy sausage pizza I'm getting put to work! Sister needs help sorting paperwork or filing or some boring combination of both. Then I'm setting Attorney court sessions. Finally I'll be calling customers asking "Where's my money at home slice? Pay up or I'll be raining death punches from above!" But probably not.
Customers love this little dog! They fawn over him. A few have offered to buy him or about stud services. All of which I'm opposed to. Having the opportunity to let the dog run around the office makes me long to be my own boss.
Here's my sister. She's an angel. She makes me happy! Here's my nearly empty Starbucks it makes me sad.



Monday, June 11, 2012

So happy together!

I'm about to go walk the dogs. Nothing like a good walk to get the bowels moving. I'm about to lose a couple Lbs!

So yeah, have I mentioned how excited I am to meet you all? I'm as happy a hippie in a drum circle! I'm going to get drunk and molest the original Josephine.


Crazy Things My Friends Say

In honor of the absurdity that can be or sometimes seeps into my life I am doing a weekly segment on this blog hereby known as "Crazy Things My Friends Say."

This gem came from a long time friend, a gay man. For his privacy I'll call him Andrew.

Last Saturday night Andrew and I had plans to go out for a few hours to catch up. We would meet at his house. When I was near I'd call. He was at a bar and wanted to make sure he was there to meet me.

When I got off the highway I gave him a ring because I was about 7 minutes to his house. Phone rings , no answer. I leave a voicemail. He was indeed home when I arrived. He apologized for not answering, " I was busy." He said. Ok, no harm no foul.

A few hours later we found ourselves at Freezone, one of the local lesbians bars. We were dancing drinking chatting when he starts, "My butt itches. I shaved today and the sweat is just rolling down my crack. When you called we were doing it. "

"Your man loves you to help shave your ass" I replied.

"No we were doing it! I don't know if its the cum or the new lube that's making it itch."....He trailed off.

:o

There you have it folks. Crazy stuff my friends say. The morale of the story, wash your ass after sex it might prevent itching.


Sunday, June 10, 2012

That's a wrap.

Hello world! What's good? This needs to be quick because I have lots of things to do today.

Dog number two is very smart. I came home yesterday to find her using the dog door. My theory is she observed Troy doing it and followed. There aren't words to describe how great it is not to randomly step on dog poo or pee in the middle if the night. She has also taken to humping! Whatever, get yours girl. By the way, where are my dog name suggestions ? You folks are breaking my heart.

Friday and Saturday night. I decided fun needed to be had. I've been working between 50-60 hours a week. Sometimes with no day off sometimes one day off. Friday night through the miracle of money I ended up at the Electric Daisy Carnival.

This is basically a big ass rave or electronic dance music festival. It's three nights of deep hypnotic base, lights, dancing, neon colors. There were even fireworks! It's an experience.

Last night I was going to attempt to get a ticket for EDC but that was scratched. Instead we ended up at a few different clubs, gay clubs that is. Good thing I didn't spend the $100 for the ticket because the event was cancelled due to weather issues. At the lesbian bar, I came to the realization there aren't any muff divers in my life. This makes me :(

Later tonight Grrouchie and I will be going to watch Snow White and the Huntsmen. Starring the actress from Twilight. Surely she will be dead behind the eyes but at least the visuals will be entertaining enough.

A co-worker's son a one of the Vice President of Palms Place. A few months ago she put in a good word for me, getting me an interview. I was offered a well paying position but I couldn't take it because of schedule conflicts with the main job. I'm going to apply for a few other positions and see what happens. She said she will talk to him again.

Life is looking pretty good these days especially with this house situation coming to a resolution. I have no doubt that he will qualify for the mortgage on his own. Then we can have some closure to this mostly sad painful chapter in our lives.

I must say how grateful I am for having had Grrouchie in my life. He's helped me change for better. A small part of me will be ever mournful for the loss of our relationship but an even bigger part is happy we are both in better places. I'll probably always love him, being my first love and all.

That last paragraph made me a bit sad. Being pretty makes me feel better about everything so I'm including photos my friend took last night where you can see way to much boob. Funny thing is last night I was wearing more clothes than I usually do and by far more clothes than most of the other patrons at Pirahna. How's that for run-on sentences!





Saturday, June 9, 2012

Electric Daisy Carnival

Last night after work I went to a rave. I had to leave around 4am because at that point I had been up more than 24hrs. Going back tonight after work . You'll get a wrap up tomorrow. There were fireworks and everything!

Name my dog

Hey sexy faces, please help me name my dog. I'm open to all suggestions. Ready. Set. Go

Did I mention I rescued her?

To close here's a picture of Troy next to my boobs.




Thursday, June 7, 2012

Wasting Time

I have 15 minutes to waste before starting work, for the second time today. I want to share one of my favorite things with you.

Green and Black's organic chocolate. It is the second best chocolate I have ever tried. As an expert in these things trust me when I say it is the business! This particular one is the milk chocolate, its rich and complex. It is expensive at $2.99 a bar but what the hell you only get diabetes once.

The best chocolate I have ever tried is Cote d'or from Belgium. It's available online but it is even more expensive than Greens. It's almost $6 a bar. A friend brought it to me when he went on vacation. I took about a hour to savor it because it was that amazing. If someone wants to get me some for my birthday I would not protest.

Smell ya'll later.


I'm a damn masochist

Why I have decided to torture myself I don't know. I'm up at 3:30 am. Need to be at work at 5am. I'm off at 2pm. The second job starts at 3pm and I'm off at 10:30pm. Hopefully I can be in bed by 11:30pm because I need to be up at 3am at the absolute latest because on Friday I work at 4am.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Waffles and Whores

Waffles and whores oh my!

I am taking Waffles to a brothel in Pahrump. Not for sex because let's face it we are both sexy beasts and would never need to pay for sex.

A couple friends of mine from work went up there with their husbands for lunch (they serve food) then for a wine tasting at some vineyard. What a great idea I thought. But who in the world could I take ? *Lightbulb* Waffles!  This will be epic.

Stuff

For the last few days I have been punished with headaches. First it started in Monday because of my lack of sleep, stress and depression. Tuesday it continued due to work bullshit, depression and stuff. This morning I awoke feeling as if there were invisible vice grips on my head.

I have a history of migraine headaches usually brought on by stress. The last few years haven't been so bad because life has been mostly awesome. Although the last 12 months have been a roller coaster ride through a tunnel of shit, I have not, thankfully suffered many attacks. I'm guessing this one was caused by lack of sleep due to the two jobs and stress over our house.

Any hooters, I took the day off work to sleep still that didn't help. Late in the morning I went to the quick care clinic. Where the Doc told me to take some over the counter Excedrin migraine. To which I responded, "Simple bitch, I did not just pay you $150 to be told to take some mother fucking tylenol!" Or at least that's what I thought in my head. She did write me a prescription for some of that good kush (dope).

I'm finally beginning to feel better provided there's no moving. Bending down is completely out of the question. Hmm maybe I should invest in a bed pan for next time?

In case you didn't know I work in a warehouse, it is dangerous. A few days ago I was looking for some wire on the giant 20' tall rack, one of the cutting remnants was not properly secured it dropped and almost killed me! Not with the impact from the fall but from the fright. This old heart isn't strong enough for many more of those scares. I almost wish it had hit me, can you say work man's comp? Just not in the face because I'm pretty.

Speaking of getting hit in the face. One of my former coworkers did actually get hit in the face with a falling 80lbs bucket of paint. She had reconstructive surgery and now looks totally different than she did before the accident. Cool huh?

While on the subject of face pounding, I want to start a fight club. A bunch of my guy friends are really considering it. My girlfriends are to lame or maybe just to emotionally stable to even toy with the idea of taking an ass kicking for fun.

I rescued a dog. She needs a new name. She does respond to her slave name, Precious but that's whack. Please send me your suggestions.

Here I will sign off, starting to ramble on like Rob...one more thing movie reviews are upcoming.

* I tried to find a high quality picture and sound video from the early days for the Led Zeppelin but couldn't. I wanted you all to see how hot Robert Plant was, who am I kidding I'd still do him. Sex appeal is timeless.



Tuesday, June 5, 2012

A ten, a ten a fucking ten!

If you don't get the reference here you go.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fipQisc68dQ&feature=youtube_gdata_player

I now have 10 big sexy bad assess following my blog. This makes me tingle in my pants.

The tenth is one of my best friends more like a sister. She has a blog of her own. Check it out.

* I remembered that I was going to include links to some of my favorite music in my posts from now on. So here you go.


Monday, June 4, 2012

I feel like a failure and kinda hate myself. Guess I'll just sit here and drink.

Sunday, June 3, 2012

Sacrebleu

For the first time ever I am stuck in the dreaded "friend zone."

Saturday, June 2, 2012

Cherry on top

Hello Beautiful people! This song by Melanie from 1969 is one of my favorites from this artist. When I was in high school, my dearly departed friend, Jessica Cherry brought me a cd of her greatest hits.

Other than my mother she is the closet person I've lost. She died at 19, from drug over dose. In years past a group of friends would visit her grave on Halloween. Surely the security thinks we are some macabre teenagers looking to raise some hell, literally. Instead we are just remembering our sorely missed homie. It was her favorite day of the year. She gave my that Freddie Mercury keychain I still carry. Her obituary hangs at the enterance of my house. It reminds me to appreciate my loved ones, never let a day go by without them knowing I care.

Before her I knew only pop music, radio top 40 kind of stuff. She opened my world through music. To this day I have all the discs she gave me.  She's been in my mind because I ran across something she gave me. The Cramps the Gravest Hits. She changed my life , I'll be ever grateful.

Drugs are bad.